so it's the end of the year again. how quickly these times keep coming by.

so 2013. i fully expected 2013 to be a quiet uneventful year. one with crazy long hours of work, long slumbers where i could escape to a happier place, travels, and my LLM applications. and that was indeed the case for most of the year.

all i did was work and sleep for most of the year really. that and my escapes from reality (i.e. holidays). i'm so thankful that ming is in the same office (((: she was the only one keeping me sane and grounded. ilu darling.

somewhere along the way, the disappointment and exhaustion in dealing with certain things and people allowed me to move on. and i was just done with all that baggage and unnecessary angst. and then life got even quieter.

and then a few months ago, an unexpected surprise came barrelling into my life and swept me off my feet. trust me when i say i never expected all of this. for the longest time i felt like my heart had been locked up behind so many doors and locks, buried so deep underground, that i'd never feel like this again. i didn't want to let anyone in, and nobody had the ability to or knew me enough to open those doors. the walls felt so high and insurmountable sometimes, and no one could knock them down or get me to bring them down.

because of the circumstances, i never thought all of this would be possible. i went in with a temporary mindset. thinking i'd have fun with it while it lasts. and yet, it obviously isn't temporary. in fact it has grown into something so much more. something so precious and important. something that makes me so happy.

but it's not all ups and no downs (life is as such no?). i never knew how to take the easy path. my path always had to be one with bumps and dips. the circumstances are difficult. it's constantly in my thoughts. constantly whirling around in my overactive brain. and the most difficult thing for me to come to terms with is that all the thinking and analysing i do, night after night, can't solve it. i hate being faced with problems, and i love resolving them. and yet this is something i can't solve. not now at least.

but the happiness, the times, the comfort, the understanding, the care, the companionship, the friendship and the love makes it all worth it. and so i deal. or maybe the right way would be to say i try and deal.

and then 2014 and the future. LLM apps are in. the irony of life eh. just as i put in my apps to leave, i find a reason that makes me want to stay. but i have to do this. for me, for us.

though 2014 looks to be a difficult year, it definitely has the potential to be wonderful as well. for me, for you, for us.

who knows what the future will bring. whether the ladder will swing. whether we can keep walking on together like this. whether this is meant to be. but all i know is that you make me so happy my love. thank you for this wonderful end to what would have otherwise been a forgettable year.

i'm looking forward to what next year brings. for me. for us. for everything. the future never looked so bright.

so long 2013. you really went out with a bang (; i lost some things, i gained some. a lot more actually. i haven't felt so alive in a long time. love is a brilliant thing. hahaha.

hello 2014. i welcome you with open arms.